Hello and Welcome to The Haughty and Glenski micro-cock brewery homepage: Home of GLUMBEER! That's me down below there, Glen Glumdong. Before we get started, I need to issue this brief disclaimer: Lager alcohol beer is a VERY, VERY DANGEROUS SUBSTANCE and should only be indulged in when societal forces dictate its consumption unavoidable. For instance, when attempting to gain access to a University Teaching Position, it may be necessary to imbibe beer in a social situation, in order to please potential University hiring officers. To grease the wheels of bureaucracy, as it were. Needless to say, the token mouthful of beer should NOT BE SWALLOWED and should be spat into a restroom receptacle as soon as temporary leave can be negotiated from the situation. Glum Beer is perfect for these situations. At 0.00000001% alcohol, it is possible to drink almost a whole third of a can before the senses are compromised. Anything more than a third of a can in one sitting is unchartered territory and thus potentially HIGHLY UNSAFE.